Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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