____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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