my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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