Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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