great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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