I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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