i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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