you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
