you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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