But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You work out of a Hotel?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
