nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
