he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
