shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
