I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
