ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
