Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
