As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
