pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
