I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
