I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
