Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
BRING THE BAGELS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
