so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
