just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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