So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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