two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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