I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't notice because vodka
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
