you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
