Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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