I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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