U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
