BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
