I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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