My hand turned me down
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
