To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
