I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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