Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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