What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
