i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
