In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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