So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
