he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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