All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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