Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
