I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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