I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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