Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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