Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
