I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
