I will die if light touches me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
