I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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