Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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