Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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