A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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