your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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