It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
