After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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