I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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