My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
