I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
