I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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