Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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