the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
