I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
