bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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