I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
